Finding out I'm not alone...
Around five years ago I stumbled on a Facebook support group for Female INTJ’s, which has been a wonderful experience. Talking to them is like talking to the best friends I never had growing up, people who understand my struggles and thought processes and feelings before I have time to explain myself, and without me ever needing to explain myself. There are only a few hundred of us in there from all over the world. Of everyone that has taken the MBTI, only 2% score INTJ and only 0.8% are female so large female INTJ groups are not likely all INTJs, for entry into this group you have to provide a copy of your test results. Many groups allow family members or spouses, but that alters the interactions within the group because we have taught ourselves the way to ‘properly’ act in front of “normal people” and the goal of this group is to give us a place where we can be free to be who we are.
A lot of our conversations revolve around how to hand situations with, what we call, normal people. For instance, a recent conversation was had about dealing with the loss of a family member of a friend that the poster had never met. She said her required condolences and then the friend appeared insulted that she then moved on to other topics of conversation instead of dwelling on and asking a lot of questions or asking to hear stories so we all discussed what the normal reaction should have been and how to better handle these types of situations in the future. One of the biggest issues with INTJ’s is we have issues relating to other people if we haven’t been in a similar situation, so we tend to ‘compare’ situations, not for competition but to show we sympathize and I have found that it’s not always the best route as “normal people” seem to think I’m trying to make it all about me, when in reality I am just trying to prove I understand rather than offering a cold “I get it” as conversation filler.
INTJs tend to be very direct, matter of fact and emotionless with answers, especially on topics that are fact based, they also prefer to stay on topic in conversations and avoid filler words and chit chat when there is work to be done. This can make them seem cold and uncaring, however they just believe that there is a time and place for 'getting to know you' type conversations and the workplace when there is work to be done is not one of them. INTJs also believe that a decision-making process should be simple, everyone should state their stance, the best should be accepted and moved forward with, there shouldn't have to be a round table to get everyone's feelings on the matter, emotion doesn't belong in the decision-making process, logic and facts do. They've also likely thought of every possible solution to a problem and every possible issue with every solution before coming to a decision of what they feel is best because they are highly strategic so when they quickly shoot down an idea with ten reasons why it won't work, it's because they have already thought of it, analyzed all the possibilities and the outcomes of them, not because they just want things done their way.
Another conversation that has gone on for some time and will likely continue is our conversation on small talk. We’re bad at it, plain and simple. If it doesn’t contribute to an intellectual stimulation in some way, it’s a waste of energy, but most people engage in small-talk, whether because they enjoy it or feel it’s socially required. We keep a thread going of the common topics and responses we have found work well for us and responses that went over poorly as well. For example, responding “do you really think that’s a good idea” to someone who just told you they are pregnant (or are trying to) is socially unacceptable as confirmed by multiple people in the group, regardless of how unstable someone’s life is.
A lot of our conversations revolve around how to hand situations with, what we call, normal people. For instance, a recent conversation was had about dealing with the loss of a family member of a friend that the poster had never met. She said her required condolences and then the friend appeared insulted that she then moved on to other topics of conversation instead of dwelling on and asking a lot of questions or asking to hear stories so we all discussed what the normal reaction should have been and how to better handle these types of situations in the future. One of the biggest issues with INTJ’s is we have issues relating to other people if we haven’t been in a similar situation, so we tend to ‘compare’ situations, not for competition but to show we sympathize and I have found that it’s not always the best route as “normal people” seem to think I’m trying to make it all about me, when in reality I am just trying to prove I understand rather than offering a cold “I get it” as conversation filler.
INTJs tend to be very direct, matter of fact and emotionless with answers, especially on topics that are fact based, they also prefer to stay on topic in conversations and avoid filler words and chit chat when there is work to be done. This can make them seem cold and uncaring, however they just believe that there is a time and place for 'getting to know you' type conversations and the workplace when there is work to be done is not one of them. INTJs also believe that a decision-making process should be simple, everyone should state their stance, the best should be accepted and moved forward with, there shouldn't have to be a round table to get everyone's feelings on the matter, emotion doesn't belong in the decision-making process, logic and facts do. They've also likely thought of every possible solution to a problem and every possible issue with every solution before coming to a decision of what they feel is best because they are highly strategic so when they quickly shoot down an idea with ten reasons why it won't work, it's because they have already thought of it, analyzed all the possibilities and the outcomes of them, not because they just want things done their way.
Another conversation that has gone on for some time and will likely continue is our conversation on small talk. We’re bad at it, plain and simple. If it doesn’t contribute to an intellectual stimulation in some way, it’s a waste of energy, but most people engage in small-talk, whether because they enjoy it or feel it’s socially required. We keep a thread going of the common topics and responses we have found work well for us and responses that went over poorly as well. For example, responding “do you really think that’s a good idea” to someone who just told you they are pregnant (or are trying to) is socially unacceptable as confirmed by multiple people in the group, regardless of how unstable someone’s life is.
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